It's hard being a mom

It's hard being a mom.

It is hard being the mom that is supposed to realize when things are wrong.
It is hard being the mom who is supposed to identify when certain behavior is just recovering from surgery, a shunt malfunction, teething, getting older or whatever. That is asking alot of a mom.

When symptoms of a shunt malfunction are irritability, poor feeding and not as awake as usual and you just got home from shunt surgery and your child wants to be held all the time, not eating as much as usual and cries when you put him down. Is this something to call the doctor and rush back in for, or is it something that is normal for your child to do after spending 4 days in the hospital and now has a big incision in his head!

And I'm the one who is supposed to know what to do.

It can be very stressful at times.

Especially when Nickolas didn't show any of the classic signs that I knew that I was supposed to look for. Yes Nick was irritable for a couple of hours on the Sunday evening/Monday morning - but he calmed down and went to sleep fine. If it was shunt shouldn't it have continued? Did I miss this?!

Yes he had a fever once on the Tuesday afternoon, but no other symptoms. If it was a shunt the tylenol shouldn't have done anything. Did I miss this?!

Yes he had swelling at the shunt. Yes this is a symptoms - but it was the only symptom! And it would get better, he wasn't acting any differently, fontanel felt fine. Should I have jumped at this one earlier?!


I guess in the end things worked out. It just has me second guessing what I thought that I knew. It has me really hoping he doesn't get a fever with teething or a cold because I might be inclined to bundle us all in the car and drive to sick kids (about 60-90 min away) because he is teething.

Because I just don't know anymore! I feel absolutely clueless!

And I hate feeling that way!

I actually divided up this post into 2 - the happier part of it is next