The loss of a friend

You meet a lot of people in your life.
Some people come and go, some people try hard to remain in your life and some you just connect with right away. There are people that go an extra mile and really care that they touch your life.

We first met when Nickolas was 6 months old. I joined a mom and baby group through Healthy Babies/Healthy Children. It was a group of about 12 moms and babies, all between 6 weeks and 9 months. I didn't attend one of these groups with Katheryn but I wish that I did.

I was a little nervous at first about attending this group, I wanted to meet people, and not have spina bifida have anything to do with it. I wanted one thing in my life that had nothing to do with spina bifida, but was about having a little boy.

It's not like I hid it. In fact my diaper bag had a poem on it about being a special needs mom. After the group, a bunch of us decided to continue on to Tim Hortons and sit around and chat. One of the girls approached me and said that she noticed my bag. And we got talking.
That was how I met Andrea and her daughter.

We connected right away. We had a number of things in common, we both came from a health care background, (she was EMS), our kids were a month apart, we had similar interests and we could talk. Andrea always had fun ideas and things to do. And wanted to share.

Our friendship continued past the time we spent with the group. Along with about 6 of us who tried to get together regularly for walks, baby food making, aquafit, strollerfit, we even went to the kids first concert together!

We did things all the time when I was off on maternity leave. Baby or craft shows, classes, shopping, coffee, or just a play date. We even traded my formula for her diapers! It worked out great for both of us.

This picture was from day-long marathon making baby-food to share.

From personal experience we could talk about medical issues together and each of us could understand the struggle that the other experienced. We could talk to each other. Andrea came to our first SWWR walk with our family. She wanted to help, she donated and even raised money for the SB&H with us!

Andrea was always ready to go the extra step, to include everyone and to have fun doing it.
She helped to throw a 1 year party for the kids that we all born within a month of each other

If there was an event to host, she didn't hesitate to host it. It felt great that Nick was going to have friends his own age that are growing up with him, and accepting without question.
After I went back to work we didn't see each other that much. But she always sent me event emails, but I wasn't usually able to attend. On my to-do list, in the back of my mind, was that I wanted to reconnect.

Last month month Andrea was organizing an Easter party for the kids and families; and since I am no longer working weekends, I was actually able to go! It would provide an opportunity for us all to connect again. And of course talk about the kids starting school in the fall. (I actually fleetingly considered the public school so the 2 kids would be at the same school).

Last week Andrea sent out a message saying that she had to cancel the Easter party, but would move it to a spring fling in May, when her health was better.

I sent off a quick message saying that I couldn't wait to reconnect, to take care of herself and I will see her soon.

Unfortunately... No, so much more than unfortunately...  Devastatingly, that is not going to happen.
I found out on Monday that Andrea passed away the night before (March 17). I sat in my office at work, stunned, before needing some human contact. The need to reach out to others without really wanting to go into details about why.

I cannot even imagine the pain that her family must feel. I know she would fight tooth and nail for her daughter, with every last breath and it breaks my heart that that was not enough. That her daughter, so close in age to Nickolas, will not be able to know her mother that touched my life for such a short time with her caring spirit.
The Andrea I knew loved her daughter more than anything. Every single thing she did was to make life better for her daughter. And it just isn't FAIR.

A lesson that I've learned from Andrea; get out there and do the fun things, look for experiences in the community, think of ways to include others and care about what is going on in your friends lives. And it is much more fun to do things with a friend.
Your children are the greatest thing you will ever do in your life. And never take life for granted.

I am so lucky that I knew you Andrea and I am devastated that I am not able to continue the friendship that started with a day at a baby group.

 

Rest in Peace my friend.

A Lost Grandfather

Grief, acceptance, remembrance, anger and love.

This post is not about spina bifida at all. It is about something that touches every life, and it has touched ours before, but this past week it did more than touch. This week cancer decided to knock us down and kick us in the face. And even if you know it is coming, even if you have been informed that medically there is nothing more to do, it just means that you`ve been squinting and ready for that kick, that hurt, that pain.

This past thanksgiving has been very unthankful. My father-in-law passed away after a lengthy battle with cancer.

You know, you hear that a lot; battle with cancer. But you don`t really realize from those simple words how much of a battle it is. And it`s not a battle, simple and over quickly. A clear winner and loser at the end. It is a war.

It is a horrible, ghastly war where you will use everything at your disposal to win. You will pour poisons into your body. You will need to prepare for the next battle. And it takes courage to fight. To walk into that hospital knowing you will feel worse before feeling better. And hoping that you will feel better.

Marty was diagnosed just after Nickolas was born. For the last 2 years we have seen him go through chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, we have seen PICC lines and hospital stays, ICU and ventilators and being told he probably won`t live through the night. Then miracles and wheelchairs, walkers,  therapists and a new normalcy. Before getting well enough to enter the battlefield again.

And it makes me angry! It makes me so angry that my kids will be missing their grandfather, that Kyle is missing his father, Marie is missing her partner, and we are all missing someone. I am angry that all of the plans he had to enjoy his grandchildren. Now he won`t have. It makes me angry, it makes me furious. And it makes me incredibly sad. It makes so sad to see how our lives have been changed, and everything that we will miss.
I`m not really sure where I`m going with this. Not all blog posts have to have a point. And I do write about the Ridding family, and we are missing an important part of our lives now.

This week we came together as a family. Nick had his private moments that made me realize that he has been touched by his grandfather. We were at the house, just the kids and me. Nickolas wanted me to go into the bedroom. So we went. We stood in the empty room, looked at the empty bed. Nick looked around and waited. He just wanted some moments.

Katheryn also knows that Papa Ridding is gone. I had to be careful with my words, I tried not to use `sick` - because what about when anyone gets sick. We talked about that he had to go away, and we are sad. But we can look at him in pictures.

At the visitation, we sat and looked at the photos. Nick perks up and says `Papa!` and points at the pictures. That makes me sad, but also happy that he has that memory, that both the kids had the opportunity to have memory of their grandfather.

I lost my grandfather when I was 4 years old. I have memory of him. In fact, one of my favourite pictures (which is also in our bedroom) is taken when I was a baby and it was Christmas (or Thanksgiving) and he`s holding me and I`m chewing on a turkey bone. I remember that I was not able to go to his funeral.

So yesterday our kids were at that funeral, and the funeral was full of sadness as well as the joyful sounds of children. Seems like a touching tribute for a proud grandfather.

Love Life

I've learned this last week that some things in life are important, and some are not. Some people are important in your life and some people are not. Some goals you have are important, and some are not. Family is important, who you are born to, who you birth, or who you make your own. They are the people who love you, support you and care about you.

I lost a friend this last week. It was a shock when I found out that she had died. I had just talked to her (online) a couple weeks ago. She'd been sick, but she was getting better, she asked about my life, my kids, how things were going with me. She didn't know about Nickolas' spina bifida until a recent post and was asking about him. I'd left the message to reply to later. Things got in the way, I left the message as 'unread' to get back to. I never got the chance.

What I learned from my friend Lisa Theodoris.
Be happy, be joyful, show your love for life to other people. Do not hesitate to reconnect with an old friend.
Thank you.