Birthday Boy!

Happy Birthday Nick!

 

 

This was Nick's first birthday at school, the first birthday away from us.

He had a lot of fun! Brought cookies into school, shared with his bus driver

 

And then had cake and a party at daycare
We finished the day with a dinner out



Nick's birthday got me thinking, and remembering.

4 years can really change a lot.
4 years ago we went to the hospital to have a baby.
Had that baby and got to hold him for a couple of minutes

And then we both went away
Me to recovery and he was transferred over to sick kids within his first couple of hours

In the meantime a simple little sore throat and a little cough (not fun with a C-section) turned into a H1N1 diagnosis.
And for a week this is how I got to see my baby boy
Through a picture

 

Having to give consent for surgery over the phone, and getting report from the doctor, over the phone. Not being able to go and see him before that surgery. Just trusting...

 

 

The rest of his family could visit (except we kept Katheryn away, until we could bring Nickolas home)

 

I could call and check up on him.
And of course there was the pumping every 3 hours (with mask to not contaminate anything).
I can remember the wondering. How was he doing, why wasn't I more upset that we were separated. Not really feeling like a mom.

 I can remember like it was yesterday the drive in with my father the drive downtown.
Wondering what it would be like when we got there.
Would I recognize him? Would I even know my own child?
Would I feel that bond I'd been missing?

The nurse had to show me/teach me how to pick him up. How to be careful

I don't remember what it felt like to leave that first day. I don't really want to remember that part. I remember that I had to say that I didn't have a cough (which takes weeks to go away with H1N1) and guzzling cough syrup even though it upsets my stomach

But it took a couple of days before I was able to stay over night
But in no time I was staying in my pjs, moving the room around how I liked it, listening to rounds and attempting to know who all of the doctors and residents were (I wasn't very good at remember names)

We made Nick's room as personal as we could. Cute clothes every day (no boring hospital gowns) and a homemade blanket

 After 2 weeks, a big dressing and a wound infection we finally got the all clear that we could be discharged.
I had his going-home outfit all picked out!
It took a couple of hours to get organized and fill our prescriptions, and then there was the rush-hour traffic.

And Nickolas got to meet his big sister!

I tell this story to people and they can't believe it.
I suppose I was a very strong person at the time.
But the time isn't a horrible memory. It was just 2 short weeks in the last 4 years. (The diagnosis day is definitely a horrible memory-day). We had a son! We got to take him home! Sure there were some bumps in the road, but in the end he was still ours.

So even while talking about C-sections, separation, flu viruses, surgery and a newborn, I was positive, it was just a journey.

It started 4 years ago
And it seems so long ago, but I can also remember it like it was yesterday!

 Happy Birthday to my Nick!
I hope that you have as much joy in your life as you bring to me! Love you!

Birthday Party... a la Backyardigans

So Nick has had it in his head that he will have a chocolate birthday cake with a backyardigans candle on it.

And I found one online... with $10 S&H. So I didn't get it. I thought... there will be one in the store... well there isn't. In all of the stores I looked at.

So it was up to me to be creative

 

Nick was happy so I guess it worked out.
Luckily I did buy some backyardigans stuff from another website (that didn't carry the candle)

And of course Nick wanted me to bring the houses.
This was the houses from his Halloween costume (his wheelchair one)

For Nick's birthday we decided to go bowling!

The had this ramp for Nick to use.
Nick's friend Antonella got to use it too

All the kids had fun.
We had 9 kids all together and about 15 adults, with 3 lanes or bowling

 It was definitely a winner for Nick!

If you are wondering about the hat...
Nick wanted to be another backyardigan... Pablo, the one with the helicopter hat

We generally kept track of who was up next, but it didn't really matter

I think the highest score was 115.

After bowling was time for pizza

And of course cake

And singing
He wasn't very sure about the singing

Oh no!
Not cutting into my beautiful creation!
(Nick might have gotten too much joy out of that one)
He was very specific that he only wanted to eat Pablo.

All of the kids got bowling medals

All of the kids were excited with this giant Pablo balloon

After lunch was the arcade
And then it was time to bring a tired boy home

 Oh yeah and presents

And smiles

 Nick had a FANTASTIC Backyardigans birthday party!

An anniversary I don't care about

It's been 4 years and I don't care.

The heartbreak has faded, the world is aligned. The anger at the obstetricians has dulled. Our lives are in focus, our faith in each other restored. The grief is gone, and the 'why me' has silenced. There might be some twinges that come and go, but not today.

I'm not looking back at where I was 4 years ago on D-day (diagnosis day). In fact I probably would have completely forgotten about it (it was yesterday), except that I'm planning and thinking about what to do for my birthday and realized that it must close.

I have blogged about my thoughts every year on the anniversary.

1 year - http://www.riddingfamily.blogspot.ca/2010/07/one-year.html
2 years - http://www.riddingfamily.blogspot.ca/2011/07/2-years.html
3 years - http://www.riddingfamily.blogspot.ca/2012/07/3-years.html

I still think of the subway ride home, sitting at the stop light, and the experience of an ultrasound where you know there is something wrong, but don't want to hear the words. Those memories will always be with me. But the pain is gone, it is just a memory, a flicker.

So it has been 4 years since we first found out that spina bifida will be a part of our lives.
And it doesn't matter.
It's a part of our lives, it always will be. I will continue to work on educating people around me, advocating for my family and enjoying the love I get to experience.

 

In learning about the stages of grief regarding perinatal bereavement for my professional education, I can recognize the symptoms that we experienced after the diagnosis. It was odd to realize that the charts they showed us could also apply to what we had experienced after our diagnosis. It's difficult to recognize that we were grieving, and at the time we didn't really identify with this term because we were also celebrating our child.

There is no grieving here.
Love, laughter and a 3 1/2 trouble maker and his sister.
Just like every other day.

Our Fourth SWWR

I can't believe that this will be the 4th time we have had a group of family and friends come out to walk with us. To take the time to show their support, and to care, really care about raising awareness about spina bifida.

Our walk this week is going to be Sunday June 23rd and will repeat our walk from last year along the Oshawa Lakeshore.

Pamphlet - SWRR 2013 by Amanda Ridding

Over the last 4 years we have gathered for a weekend in June, in rain and shine, hot and cold. But we have gathered and we have walked. Even years that walking was not an option for everyone, they still came out to cheer us on. To cheer Nick on.
And Nick's Cheering Squad is still going strong.

2012

 

2011

2010

So this year we are going forward with another Spirit Wheel Walk Run.
If you are interested in support us this year you can make online donations at

http://www.canadahelps.org/CharityProfilePage.aspx?CharityID=s10136

Click on 'donate now'
Enter donation amount
Choose the 'Fund/Designation'
Pick SWWR- Nick's Cheering Squad (Ridding Family) from the list.

Thank you!
If you are interested in joining us this year, we will be meeting at the beach of Lakeview Park, Oshawa. Picnic to follow.