Happy Birthday Nick!
This was Nick's first birthday at school, the first birthday away from us.
He had a lot of fun! Brought cookies into school, shared with his bus driver
And then had cake and a party at daycare
We finished the day with a dinner out
Nick's birthday got me thinking, and remembering.
4 years can really change a lot.
4 years ago we went to the hospital to have a baby.
Had that baby and got to hold him for a couple of minutes
And then we both went away
Me to recovery and he was transferred over to sick kids within his first couple of hours
In the meantime a simple little sore throat and a little cough (not fun with a C-section) turned into a H1N1 diagnosis.
And for a week this is how I got to see my baby boy
Through a picture
Having to give consent for surgery over the phone, and getting report from the doctor, over the phone. Not being able to go and see him before that surgery. Just trusting...
The rest of his family could visit (except we kept Katheryn away, until we could bring Nickolas home)
I could call and check up on him.
And of course there was the pumping every 3 hours (with mask to not contaminate anything).
I can remember the wondering. How was he doing, why wasn't I more upset that we were separated. Not really feeling like a mom.
I can remember like it was yesterday the drive in with my father the drive downtown.
Wondering what it would be like when we got there.
Would I recognize him? Would I even know my own child?
Would I feel that bond I'd been missing?
The nurse had to show me/teach me how to pick him up. How to be careful
I don't remember what it felt like to leave that first day. I don't really want to remember that part. I remember that I had to say that I didn't have a cough (which takes weeks to go away with H1N1) and guzzling cough syrup even though it upsets my stomach
But it took a couple of days before I was able to stay over night
But in no time I was staying in my pjs, moving the room around how I liked it, listening to rounds and attempting to know who all of the doctors and residents were (I wasn't very good at remember names)
We made Nick's room as personal as we could. Cute clothes every day (no boring hospital gowns) and a homemade blanket
After 2 weeks, a big dressing and a wound infection we finally got the all clear that we could be discharged.
I had his going-home outfit all picked out!
It took a couple of hours to get organized and fill our prescriptions, and then there was the rush-hour traffic.
And Nickolas got to meet his big sister!
I tell this story to people and they can't believe it.
I suppose I was a very strong person at the time.
But the time isn't a horrible memory. It was just 2 short weeks in the last 4 years. (The diagnosis day is definitely a horrible memory-day). We had a son! We got to take him home! Sure there were some bumps in the road, but in the end he was still ours.
So even while talking about C-sections, separation, flu viruses, surgery and a newborn, I was positive, it was just a journey.
It started 4 years ago
And it seems so long ago, but I can also remember it like it was yesterday!
Happy Birthday to my Nick!
I hope that you have as much joy in your life as you bring to me! Love you!