It's working!!!

Nick's shunt surgery was very successful yesterday. I am on the computer on the unit right now - so no pictures.
They were able to just fix the proximal part of the shunt (the shunt on his head) and the distal part (the part going into his belly) was fine and they didn't need to change anything. The surgeon was very happy with the results. Nickolas was in the OR for about 1 1/2 hours, but then was a little slow waking up from the anesthetic, so we didn't get back to our floor until midnight (we left a shift change - 7pm for the surgery).
Last night I was able to get a little bit of sleep, again in the chair next to the bed. We are staying in the observation room, not quite sure why, I think staffing or room issues, not Nickolas issues. The nurses are super nice, so we are fine with that.

Nickolas slept all last night - very, very soundly. A little too soundly for my taste but I think it was the last 2 days catching up to him, and the anesthetic wearing off. Today when he wasn't sleeping he was busy being grouchy.
He did get to eat a little bit in the morning, but then he had to be npo (nothing to eat/drink) in case he needed to be sedated for the CT. The cat scan that was supposed to be done around noon. Which turned into 3pm, which turned into 5pm when Nickolas would not settle and sleep. Finally they did it with him fussing and little bit, but they were able to get the shots they needed.
I swear the surgeon almost beat us to the room. To tell us the good news! The shunt is perfectly placed! Yes, he used the word perfect!

So as of this minute Nickolas is busy munching on a cookie, finished his milk and is once again showing his pearly whites off to everyone with his super-duper smiles.

Thank you for EVERYONE for their thoughts and prayers. They really mean alot to me.
I don't know how I've made it through the last couple of days, but I think that when I get home I am laying down in bed and not getting up for ANYTHING for at least a couple of days!

Hopefully tomorrow I will post some pictures so you can see Nick's smiling face for yourself!

What does perfect mean?

The perfect child. This is what everyone dreams about.

When you get the diagnosis of spina bifida, you think that the perfect child is shattered. You mourn that perfect child, you mourn what could have been. I don't like admitting it (even to myself) but sometimes I wish for that perfect child. That I could have normal baby worries, that I could dream of a future without braces and assisted walking devices. That I could have the dreams and worries that my parents had about me. That is would be easier.
BUT...
What does perfect mean anyways?

Is Katheryn perfect? Yes, I think she is. With her tiny size, her puking, her language, her finicky eating. Yes I still think she is. Is Nickolas perfect? I do hesitate, (there are so many things to think of when I write this). Yes he is perfect too. With the spina bifida, with the worrying and the anxiety. Yes I still think he is perfect. And I don't think I need to defend this.

What does perfect mean anyways?

Is perfect the child that comes into the world, naturally, with that first cry, nurses no problem and then falls asleep, to wakes every 3-4 hours to nurse and be changed. The smiles at 6 weeks, laughs soon after, sits on time, babbles early, rolls over ect. Pretty much reaches all milestones on time without causing the parents a night of worry? What about beyond? Is perfect that 50th percentile child that isn't too skinny, isn't too chubby. Has all kinds of friends, comes in when the street lights come on, doesn't talk back, only has nice friends, loves school, loves sports and does well in both, is never sick, doesn't talk back. Wow, that puts alot of pressure on a poor baby, and parents.

What does perfect mean anyways?

For me, perfect means happiness. If I have a child that can grow up to be happy, then I think this means perfect to me. I don't always mean that smiling, laughing child (that is nice), but it goes beyond that. In school we learn about quality of life. A happy life. Perfect has such societal connotations to it. Why do things need to be perfect? Nothing is ever perfect.

So perfect means whatever my kids turn into. I am not perfect, not even close. But that doesn't make me any less loved and happy and myself.