A Journey with Love and Laughter

Read about our family as we journey through life as a family, with siblings, school and spina bifida, and lots of fun and laughter along the way!

Friday, July 9, 2010

What does perfect mean?

The perfect child. This is what everyone dreams about.
When you get the diagnosis of spina bifida, you think that the perfect child is shattered. You mourn that perfect child, you mourn what could have been. I don't like admitting it (even to myself) but sometimes I wish for that perfect child. That I could have normal baby worries, that I could dream of a future without braces and assisted walking devices. That I could have the dreams and worries that my parents had about me. That is would be easier.
What does perfect mean anyways?

Is Katheryn perfect? Yes, I think she is. With her tiny size, her puking, her language, her finicky eating. Yes I still think she is. Is Nickolas perfect? I do hesitate, (there are so many things to think of when I write this). Yes he is perfect too. With the spina bifida, with the worrying and the anxiety. Yes I still think he is perfect. And I don't think I need to defend this.

What does perfect mean anyways?
Is perfect the child that comes into the world, naturally, with that first cry, nurses no problem and then falls asleep, to wakes every 3-4 hours to nurse and be changed. The smiles at 6 weeks, laughs soon after, sits on time, babbles early, rolls over ect. Pretty much reaches all milestones on time without causing the parents a night of worry? What about beyond? Is perfect that 50th percentile child that isn't too skinny, isn't too chubby. Has all kinds of friends, comes in when the street lights come on, doesn't talk back, only has nice friends, loves school, loves sports and does well in both, is never sick, doesn't talk back. Wow, that puts alot of pressure on a poor baby, and parents.

What does perfect mean anyways?
For me, perfect means happiness. If I have a child that can grow up to be happy, then I think this means perfect to me. I don't always mean that smiling, laughing child (that is nice), but it goes beyond that. In school we learn about quality of life. A happy life. Perfect has such societal connotations to it. Why do things need to be perfect? Nothing is ever perfect.

So perfect means whatever my kids turn into. I am not perfect, not even close. But that doesn't make me any less loved and happy and myself.

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