A Journey with Love and Laughter

Read about our family as we journey through life as a family, with siblings, school and spina bifida, and lots of fun and laughter along the way!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

18 months

I know it is a little early (Nick is 18 months next Lucky Friday the 13th - but it is something that has been on my mind alot lately).

I thought that 18 months would make me excited. I thought it would be a happy age, a good landmark. It has always been one of those ages for me, the ones you look back and gauge things against.

I was warned.

I was warned that 18 months is a hard time for us parents.

It marks a time when some of the motor deficits become very obvious. When I see Nick pulling himself along on the floor and all the other kids his age are running around. Not just taking tentative, shaky steps, but running, everywhere. I remember Katheryn at that age (just before I had Nick), and he is nowhere near where she was, in so many areas!

I need a new mantra, I need to remember that this is not a race, it is not a contest. Nick will do things in his own time, but he will do them.

And by comparing him to other kids at 18 months isn't going to do any of us any good.

But I just can't help it some days.

I was invited to get together with some moms from my babyville mom and baby group. The last time I saw most of them, was when Nick was 1 year old. And yes some kids were walking and standing, but not all of them. This get-together, I was working and wasn't able to go. I am very glad I wasn't able to go. I realized later that how different Nick would be from these kids. How delayed he would look. How sad it would have made me (and how sad it makes me now). And it makes me sad that I'm glad I didn't go. (Yes, I know, I can't really win with myself!)

I hate thinking of Nick in those terms. different, delayed, disabled. Those are not words that I want to use to describe my beautiful, happy boy. These are words that I can forget when I stay in my little Nickolas bubble. Where Nick is making great big strides, working hard (harder than he wants) and making progress. Meterstones.

Our current working goal is getting him stronger
lying to sitting. So basic, and we are still working on it!
AND we still haven't been picked back up from Grandview! (For PT).

Oh yeah, and today at our SB mom and baby group I realized that Nick will probably need a wheelchair as a child. (Even if just for distance, like the zoo or Canada's Wonderland). Which shouldn't make me upset, it is something to give him control and independence. But I'm still a little raw about it. Even though I shouldn't be surprised - and we aren't anywhere near to needing it now.

So we are hitting the 18 month mark a little grumpy. A little depressed. A little sad.
I don't want my baby to grow up. Can't he stay the same age for a little longer and then catch up? Let the Nick timeline and the calender timeline sync just a little?

 At the same time, I know that today I might be sad. Today I might be under my own little rain cloud. But tomorrow Nick will do something fantastic and the sun will shine again. And Nick doesn't think that there is anything wrong with some rain!

BTW - the pictures are from our trip to the Toronto Zoo on Easter weekend.


  1. Yep 18 months is hard. There are a lot of things about SB that just plain stink, but it is what it is. Nick looks incredibly happy and healthy. He doesn't look sad at all. And ya know, my Caleb is 5 1/2 years old and is well aware that there are things that he can't do but he's a happy kid who as far as I can tell isn't sad. It's okay to have a "little rain cloud" day (I have those too) and you are right that the "sun will shine again". Our kids are amazing, they are rock stars. I can't wait to see what your little Nick has up his sleeves. :) Sending you big hugs.

  2. My Tanner is almost 2 1/2. 18 months was really hard for me. And honestly 2 was hard, and so is 2 1/2. Like Cassie said, there are things about SB that really stink.
    Nick looks so incredibly happy. My Tanner is also so happy all of the time. Thanks for the reminder that the "sun will shine again" I needed that today.
    Like you, I tend to compare all the time.. and I really need to stop!
    Sending you big hugs! I understand!

  3. Yes, that's a hard time! It just made the things that Madi DID do even more amazing, though, I will say :)

  4. 18 months will be hard. I think for us too. But Nick is beautiful, and has accomplished so much already with more great things to come. He will lift you out of this funk this time and more times I'm sure. Many good thoughts your way.

  5. ACK!! I didn't know 18 months was going to be hard!! ;) I found 9 months hard. I hate the constant back and forth. One day, you're laughing and everything is wonderful, the next SB smacks you in the face and points and laughs at your fading rainbows. So evil. There's nothing I hate more than when people look at Kingsley like he's somehow... I don't know. Not KINGSLEY, yk?
    Nick is awesome. He's catching up. The chair... oi. Yeah, I know that burn. Even though I know it's coming (this year!!) and really, he already has one... I still can't bring myself to think about it too much. Freedom, freedom, freedom. Independence. Mobility. It IS a good thing.

    That picture of you and Nick is great!!

  6. Hugs!!!! I think the 2 year old age range is hard, we are just at the beginning of it too. The stage where they are no longer babies and are "expected" to do more and others are starting to notice/wonder. its hard. I know I've struggled with myself with these feelings. Alex recently got a wheel chair, at barely 2 and although I had some mixed feelings about it, mostly all I feel is sheer happiness watching him go..go...go...every way he can. There are definitely some tough days at this age, but may the good ones far out weight the tough ones. and as always we are here!!!

  7. I know 18 months was hard... because I know it is all hard in it's own way, I jsut honestly don't remember the bad or hard stuff! I know we are further down the journey than you, or others who have commented here, but I just wanted to say that, for me, as soon as I let go of the expected and embraced the unique I did SO MUCH better as a mom. I KNOW that it stinks! It STILL stinks in my world, but honestly, now we jsut do it becasue it is what we are called to do and it is our normal. I have friends that think I am special because I do what neds done, I am NOT special, I would LOVE to not do it, but not at the cost of not having my son in my life!

    Embrace Nick and NEVER forget Nick is Nick and there is nothing else that matters!

    Hugs to you!