A Journey with Love and Laughter

Read about our family as we journey through life as a family, with siblings, school and spina bifida, and lots of fun and laughter along the way!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Finding a balance

I'm having a hard time some days to find a balance.

Since Nickolas has turned 3 I have found him to be (and I feel like a horrible mom to write this) a winy kid. He doesn't want to go up the stairs, he doesn't want to sit on the potty, he doesn't want to crawl, he doesn't like anything wet on his skin, he wants to be in this seat, or that seat, he wants his sister, he wants his mommy, he wants his daddy.
Nickolas has found his voice and know what he wants, and what he wants is to say no.
A lot.

At first I was thinking maybe this is shunt irritability? But it's not something that happens suddenly or all day, in between all of these no's he is happy and smiling and laughing and a great kid.
But I'm finding it a little bit difficult. I need to balance between listening to his voice and wishes/wants and letting him know that he can make choices, while helping him to grow. Maybe I'm expecting too much from 3 years old.

I don't remember 3 years old being like this with Katheryn. At 3 Katheryn would be having a meltdown and I could talk her down. It was great. I liked 3.
Nickolas went into a whole hyperventilating meltdown the other night because he couldn't have a lollipop before bed. I had to leave him on the bed to calm down because telling him 'no' only made it worse. He kept crying "I don't want mommy to say no to me" in between catching his breath.

All of that is just behavior, age, maturity I think. I can't compare Katheryn at 3 with Nickolas at 3, that's not fair.
Nickolas will get a time out when he is naughty, when he needs to calm down. But he isn't generally naughty and doesn't need many time-outs. Katheryn definitely wins that count hands-down.

But it's not just the tantrums. He's a kid, kids have tantrums.

But now I need to find a balance with mobility issues.
Nick doesn't want to crawl up the stairs. He wants to be carried. He used to love climbing the stairs with Katheryn, half the time he'd be up before we even knew he'd gone anywhere.
We readjusted our family room so he is able to walk and cruise around pretty much the whole room. That's where he wants to be. It's a step down and his walking doesn't fit so we haven't been using his walker a lot in the house. He doesn't want to walk up and down the hall in a line with his walker.
Sometimes I don't know what to do.

In the evening Nickolas wants to be with me all the time, it's hard on him when I go off and work nights, or I'm on a long stretch of shifts. Just tonight he was standing in the family room, crying for me to come and get him. I was ignoring him. Not answering him when he was crying that he wants me.
Trying to get him to come to me.

I feed into this, I know. I need to work on it. It is easier for me to carry Nickolas down the stairs in the morning and put him in his seat for breakfast. But I'm missing a prime opportunity for him to move himself, just because in the morning we always have time constraints.
I think this has to be a goal for me, and for him.

Because I really need to find a balance. I feel that we are in a rut at home.


  1. We are in the exact same situation! Caitlin turned 3 in December and since then it's tantrums, "no" all the time, wanting to be carried much more, no more independent walking. Bath times have turned from happy times to screaming from the moment she gets in to the moment she gets out because she now doesn't like water anywhere near her head..it's hard to know what to do or why its happening...i thought 3 was when it got easier!?! All you can do is your best, if you figure it out let me know!

  2. We are going through the same thing with Syona, though her mobility is so much more limited. I think primarily it is because of frustration with her lack of ability to communicate. Sometimes we worry it is because of pain. Other times it is simply because of her terrible twos.

    I've been working with her therapists because sometimes the whining isn't just whining or tantrums...it's a lack of self-regulation...its something we struggle with on a daily basis, but I am hoping (that like everything else) we make some progress. I wrote a post about the word no, fairly recently...I don't always love no, but I like the fact that she can at least express some of her preferences :) http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/special-needs-parenting/hearing-word-no

    When I get super frustrated with hearing no I turn it into a game where I sing no to her repeatedly in a silly sing song voice. It doesn't always work, but it does lighten the mood! Good luck :)

  3. Oh, I shouldn't be laughing, but I am! This very morning, Jeff and I were comparing Kingsley to that grumpy cat that has all the meme's that say NO. King says NO to EVERYTHING. It's his auto-response. You have to wait and see if he gives you his stubborn face (which is really a No) or if he realizes what you said and turn no into nodding. He refuses to feed himself breakfast. Wants Mommy and only Mommy. Ughh.... Love this age ;)