A Journey with Love and Laughter

Read about our family as we journey through life as a family, with siblings, school and spina bifida, and lots of fun and laughter along the way!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Whispers

whisper, whisper, whisper

I can hear you. Did you know that?

Spina bifida.... vitamins....

Did you look at me? Judge me? Blame me?
Did Nick hear? No, he didn't hear this time. But what about when he does. Will he look at me and blame me for being born with spina bifida?

I've written about folic acid before and folic acid awareness. Yes it is a vitamin, B9, it is in all kinds of foods and women's vitamins and in prenatal vitamins. Yes is has been shown to help to prevent neurotube defects (1 in 1300). Unlike what some Internet searches say (and we all know that the Internet doesn't lie) neurotube defects, like spina bifida, are not 100% preventable.


whisper, whisper, whisper

I am not to blame. Nick is not to blame.
Sometimes things just happen. Believe me, I know how hard it is to recognize that some things you have no control over, no rhyme or reason. I know how it feels better to be able to identify and point and say "ah, that is how it happened".

I have given up looking for answers, and concentrate on our lives.
But sometimes I still hear the whispers.

It reminds me of the a show I was watching about a boy who was born with no foot, or a damaged foot. In the interview where he talked about what happened he described it as "my mothers umbilical cord wrapped itself around my foot and cut off the circulation".
What if Nick sits in a similar interview and says "my mother didn't have enough folic acid and so I was born with spina bifida" I think it would break my heart.


I'm not sure what to do about the whispers. Learn to live with them I guess.
I'm sure I'm just extra sensitive leading up to Nick's surgery.

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