It is easy to focus on what I am missing by having a son with spina bifida. (This is a followup to my last post - A Moment of Grief) When talking about 'a different kind of perfect' I might think and imagine what I am missing, how things are worse now that we have spina bifida in our lives. Concentrate on the worry, the appointments, and the hardships.
It has brought me the gift of celebrating each little milestone, to recognize the amazing capacity children are born with. It has shown me that my child is stronger than I could ever be. It has given me the gift to realize that some things in life are important, and some things are not.
Spina bifida has brought me clarity.
It reminds me of when I first got my glasses. I commented to my mother that Now I could see the leaves on the trees when we were driving. I never knew before that I couldn’t see the leaves; I didn't know I was missing anything. But now that I had seen I didn't want to go back to the blurriness.
Having a child with spina bifida has given me glasses that I never knew I needed. It has opened up a life for me that I don't want to give up.
It has given me the gift to realize the strength of my partnership. That we have been to the bottom of the pit and have risen higher than we realized that we could. That we are stronger now than before we knew what spina bifida was. I have been given the gift to realize that we are four individual pieces of a puzzle that produces a beautiful picture.
It has brought me a gift of a family of mothers and their children that understand exactly where I am and what I am thinking. It has given me children that I have followed and will follow being born, growing older, rolling, standing, walking and running. I have found a whole community of people who have been there, and share their experiences to help you when you feel alone.
Let me finally say that it has given me to opportunity to realize how wonderful, loving and caring my family is. Who read about my moment of grief and reached out to see how I was. To reinforce their love and confidence in my ability to be a mother of a son with spina bifida.
So today I celebrate the gift of spina bifida. That I have been given many little gifts with this diagnosis that I didn’t know that I needed, but that I am not willing to give up. I do have moments of grief and negativity but these are more than balanced by gifts of clarity and love, moments of joy, realization of faith and appreciation of my many blessings.
OK hand me a tissue.