A Journey with Love and Laughter

Read about our family as we journey through life as a family, with siblings, school and spina bifida, and lots of fun and laughter along the way!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Some Reality and Foot Stamping

For the last couple of months I can almost forget about what Nickolas is not doing. Forget is maybe the wrong word. I know what he isn't doing, what we are working on PT at him doing. Maybe it is really that I never forget what he isn't doing but I try not to look at what he isn't doing, and concentrate what he is doing.

Until I come face to face with babies the same age as he is. Babies who are crawling around, getting into trouble, coming up and pulling themselves up on their mother's legs. I want that.

OK I know that I am being unreasonable. That I will get that tugging at my jeans eventually. But I want it now! [insert foot stamping here]

We go to a friends house, with babies all the same age. 10 - 11 months. The other babies get put on a mat and are immediately off and crawling and exploring. Nickolas is put on the mat and he stays there, or rolls around but isn`t pulling himself up, isn`t playing with all the toys. Just playing with what he can get.

It just shoves reality in my face and won't let me look away.
I always thought that I had reasonable expectations for Nickolas, that I concentrated on what he could do and not at what he couldn't. That all that mattered to me is a happy child and mobility doesn't matter. I didn't quite realize how much mobility effects so much development and interaction at this age.

But as another fellow blogger mother has pointed out. He's not sad.

Yeah we're all laughing here.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring a better day. We've had 6 appointments (pediatrician, naturopath, opthamologist, repeat hearing test, urodynamics and physio) in the last 8 days. So I think I'm a little SB sensitive today. All the appointments went fine.


  1. And here I was jealous that you were talking about AFO's and standers and bouncing in the exersaucer. It's all relative, isn't it? :) Colleen just commented on one of my posts that the time between the diagnosis anniversary and the first birthday is really hard for many reasons, one of them being that it's when the differences first start being noticeable. No crawling, no standing, no exploring the room. All in time!!

    The stream of appointments always bring me down, too. Even if it's not bad news, it's still having to go to them at all.

    Just take a breath and look at the smiles on those beauties!! Definitely a reason to be happy! :)

  2. Oh yes, I know what you mean already, and Charlie's only four months old this coming week. He's doing fine, but I notice other babies walking...and I either have to look away, or I can't look away and have to stare. It's hard, even as I know things are going to be ok, even if it's a different ok than is typical.