A Journey with Love and Laughter

Read about our family as we journey through life as a family, with siblings, school and spina bifida, and lots of fun and laughter along the way!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

It's hard being a mom

It's hard being a mom.

It is hard being the mom that is supposed to realize when things are wrong.
It is hard being the mom who is supposed to identify when certain behavior is just recovering from surgery, a shunt malfunction, teething, getting older or whatever. That is asking alot of a mom.

When symptoms of a shunt malfunction are irritability, poor feeding and not as awake as usual and you just got home from shunt surgery and your child wants to be held all the time, not eating as much as usual and cries when you put him down. Is this something to call the doctor and rush back in for, or is it something that is normal for your child to do after spending 4 days in the hospital and now has a big incision in his head!

And I'm the one who is supposed to know what to do.

It can be very stressful at times.

Especially when Nickolas didn't show any of the classic signs that I knew that I was supposed to look for. Yes Nick was irritable for a couple of hours on the Sunday evening/Monday morning - but he calmed down and went to sleep fine. If it was shunt shouldn't it have continued? Did I miss this?!

Yes he had a fever once on the Tuesday afternoon, but no other symptoms. If it was a shunt the tylenol shouldn't have done anything. Did I miss this?!

Yes he had swelling at the shunt. Yes this is a symptoms - but it was the only symptom! And it would get better, he wasn't acting any differently, fontanel felt fine. Should I have jumped at this one earlier?!

I guess in the end things worked out. It just has me second guessing what I thought that I knew. It has me really hoping he doesn't get a fever with teething or a cold because I might be inclined to bundle us all in the car and drive to sick kids (about 60-90 min away) because he is teething.

Because I just don't know anymore! I feel absolutely clueless!

And I hate feeling that way!

I actually divided up this post into 2 - the happier part of it is next


  1. Amanda,
    I totally understand. Beckett was so much the same as his shunt was malfunctioning a month ago. We had NO idea! I thought the area around the shunt felt a little squishy, but not different enough to call or schedule an appt. He acted no different at all, however the MRI showed so much fluid. Tough stuff!!!!! Hang in there...I think we did everything right!

  2. I understand, and it IS a lot. I always worry I'm missing something because, like you said, things don't always follow the traditional path.

  3. You're preaching to the choir here! It's such a steep learning curve, being a mom, nevermind a mom of a kid with random shunt and spina bifida stuff thrown in there! I will be a total hyporcrite (because I can't take my own advice!) and tell you not to beat yourself up about this. You knew something was off, even if you didn't know it was his shunt. And in the end, you got him the help he needed when he needed it.

    I hope things settle down for you guys soon and he just returns to his usual self for good.

  4. If it makes you feel any better, I recently took my Georgia (no SB) to the ER, and it turns out she was just teething. lol! That cost me $200, btw. Sometimes we get it right, and sometimes we don't, but we're doing the best we can.

  5. I soooo know how you are feeling. I always pray for just normal baby sick :). Hang in there!